Good Friday Thoughts...Fulfillment versus Servanthood

My mother-in-law and I worked out together this morning. While I normally am energized after exercising, today was different. I felt happier than I have in quite a while. Why? Because for the first time in a long time I found myself in the position of “expert consultant.”

Our first semester at Denver Seminary, Ben and I participated in one of those “career match” inventories and met with a consultant afterwards. They don’t actually tell you what your future job should be, but they can point out strengths and weaknesses. What is the role in which I thrive? Expert consultant. That means that I thrive in situations where I can share my specialized knowledge and experience and help others.

Now the idea that I am actually qualified to be personal trainer is pretty far-fetched. I’m just more familiar with the exercise dvds than my mother-in-law is. But, the point is, I was able to explain and help her become comfortable with a series of movements. I can see why a friend of mine from college who is a personal trainer says that he can’t wait to go to work everyday. It isn’t just the exercise (though being healthy is great!) – it’s the experience of encouraging and helping someone.

Living in Madrid for the past 5 months has not offered a lot of opportunity for me to be an expert consultant. I think I’ve been able to direct someone on the street twice, and it felt fantastic each time! But, that’s been about it. Living cross-culturally is really difficult. I am a learner in things that I’ve taken for granted for years: communication, driving, making friends. As a person who likes to have all the information, it is humbling to day after day ask for help, feel helpless, or at least feel like an outsider.

Besides the cross-cultural piece, I am still learning what it means to be a mom. However, at times I am currently the expert consultant for knowing when Andy is tired or thirsty or hungry…but even then sometimes I’m wrong!

So, on the one hand, this reminds me of a talk I once heard about “filling your bucket.” The point is that each of us should know the things that “fill us up” – meaning, those things that give us energy, make us enjoy life, give us joy. We should also be aware of the things that “empty our bucket” – meaning those things that take our energy, make us weary.

For example, as I stated above, being an expert consultant “fills my bucket.” Being the person that needs help “empties my bucket,” and I think it does for most people.

On the other hand, I am pondering Jesus’ words in Mark 9:35, after the disciples had been arguing about who was the greatest: Anyone who wants to be first must be last, and must be the servant of all. In addition, Jesus’ example as he washed his disciples’ feet: John 13:12-17.

To say Jesus was an expert consultant just falls short; he is God. He is the expert in everything. Yet, his time on earth was humbling. He was an outsider. He wasn’t in need of help per say, but he certainly wasn’t in the business of coming to earth because it was personally fulfilling. And on today of all days, Good Friday, I can say with certainty that Jesus’ self-sacrifice on the cross was the most profound “self-emptying” action in history. And we are called to imitate him, being a servant to all.

This topic is very complex, and I could go down the rabbit trails of some people’s buckets being filled by serving, or how we should seek out those occupations or volunteer activities that fill our buckets because that’s a healthy and God-honoring practice…but I don’t want to.

I want sit for a bit in the tension of God creating us individually and uniquely, setting in our hearts certain passions and abilities that give us life and joy (the Chariots of Fire “I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure”)…and God asking us to be the servant of all.

Date Day!

Meggan and I just went on our first date since we've moved here. What a nice time! We went to a great little Indian restaurant that Meggan found online. The food was DELICIOUS - every course was spot on, and it was particularly fun for me to eat spicy food again (hard to find in Spain). We then walked around the neighborhood, which was a discovery experience, because we hadn't been to that part of town before today. Special thanks to Julie & Chad Reeser and Niki Gudeman for babysitting the little man!(And now you officially know that my April Fools' post wasn't TOTAL junk.)

One WiLD week

We've had an exciting week since the Parishes left!

After finishing the theory section of her driver's ed, Meggan has begun teaching diesel mechanics on a volunteer basis at a local community college. Who knew?

The CIA called me on Wednesday to ask if I would be serve as a temporary incognito security agent in Madrid at World Catholic Youth Day (coming to Madrid this summer). I turned them down; couldn't compromise the REAL mission.

We enrolled Andrew in soccer school, and he's been tabbed by the Spanish national team training center as an up-and-coming star. Apparently the ratio of the length of his femur to his fibula/tibia are ideal for an elite soccer player. He can't walk yet, but boy he can kick!

Tomorrow Meggan and I are going on a DATE!!! A REAL DATE!!!!!! I'm kind of excited. I think we're headed to an Indian restaurant. Meggan found a place online called Diwali, which made her think of "The Office," and it has good reviews & looks like a nice atmosphere. Woohoo!

On this day in Spanish history, the civil war officially ended, marking the beginning of what would become 36 years under Franco's dictatorship.

Curious about an interesting Spanish holiday? Check out the Feast of the Innocents, celebrated on December 28.

Highs, Lows, and Highlights

High: Women's Night at Church
I have very strong memories of going with my mom to women's gatherings when I was young. I remember her getting dressed up, looking so pretty, bringing some kind of bread or dessert for the chatting time after the presentation. There was usually some kind of kids' program so that the mothers could bring their children. I attended my first church women's night at La Elipa last Saturday evening. I almost didn't go because Andy had a cold, but Ben and I decided he was well enough to go and be in the nursery (a rare thing at our church which doesn't have a nursery on Sundays). There was also a men's event at church that night, so the whole Knox family was there.

The evening's topic was anxiety, facilitated by our wonderful teammate, Eva, who is a Spaniard. I walked into the room downstairs and found 5 or 6 tables set up with tablecloths and flower vases. I chose a seat at a table with a few women who I knew a bit, and the evening began. It was the first time that I'd been totally immersed in Spanish for 2 hours without Andy on my lap. It was wonderful - I was challenged and encouraged on a topic that very much applies to my daily life, and I understood almost everything that Eva and my tablemates said. I'm not at the point where I could've translated it all fast enough to someone with me who didn't speak Spanish, but I really was understanding, interacting, and participating. After the presentation, I happy to chat with several women. I was mentally tired, but very content.

It was the first time in Spain that I really felt like I was a part of our church. I was challenged to engage scripture intellectually in our discussion. And, bonus, Andy did great in the nursery. The kids from the youth group were in charge, and Andy's best friend there is Esteban, who loves kids. Andy hardly wanted to come to me when I came to get him. What else could a mom ask for? Ben later described Andy as being exhausted and happy for the first time ever when we got him home. Poor little guy just collapsed right into bed after his bath.

Lows: Church Lunch and Driver's Education
Church Lunch
Sadly, the weekend did not continue so well. We attempted to stay for the church lunch the next day. I should've gone with my gut and just left after church, but we thought Andy might fall asleep in the Ergo Carrier. Nope. Sundays (even without lunch afterwards) are super long. If I attend the youth group's Sunday school with Ben, we leave the house at 9:30am and don't return until about 2-2:30pm. That's a long time for Andy to be confined to a lap, without a nap. We always end up taking him downstairs to crawl around a bit, but still. It's just a really long time for him. So, long story short, about half way through the lunch, Andy had had enough and we got on the bus as soon as we could.

These situations are tough for me. When Andy's losing it, I start to have a very short fuse. I demand way too much from other people, having impossible, unspoken expectations. Like, Ben, why can't you read my mind and go get Andy's sippy cup from the diaper bag? In another sense, I worry that I will seem like I'm excluding myself from my church family by "bowing out" from activities because of Andy. I know that God has brought Ben, Meggan, and Andy Knox to Spain as a family. But, sometimes, it's hard not to feel like I'm just this behind the scenes person, enabling Ben to be able to participate in ministry while I take care of Andy and our home in general. Is that part of why I'm here? Absolutely. But, I'm still figuring out the other reasons why I'm here, in the midst of being a mom and a wife.

Driver's Education
Yes, we need to go through driver's education here; we can't just transfer our American driver's licenses. I finished my first week of class (4 nights a week, 1 hour/class) this past week. I've jumped in in the middle of the lesson cycle which is given continuously at my particular school. I have about 45 minutes of reading in my manual before each class, then a practice test covering that material to complete after each class (20-30 min). And it's all in Spanish. Reading the manual isn't too bad, actually. But, understanding what my instructor is saying in class often is difficult. I usually leave with a fantastic head ache.

The other night I felt like a complete idiot twice. The first occasion dealt with a question on a practice test: can you pass on a curve? I answered no. Well, apparently, you can pass on a curve in Spain if and only if you can pass the other vehicle (while staying in your lane) without invading the lane of oncoming traffic. I have never seen a lane large enough to make this scenario a reality, but that's not the point.

The second instance involved me asking if Spanish law required drivers to turn into the closest lane possible (traveling in your direction) when making left turns. Think one way streets - ie: when turning left onto a one way street, you should turn into the left lane, then make a signaled lane change if you actually want the right lane. I was trying to ask if this was the same in Spain. According to my driver's ed instructor, it is actually the opposite. Turning left onto a one way street (or a two way street that has several lanes in each direction), you are required to turn into the right most lanes possible. I drew about 5 diagrams that night and brought them in the next day to review. Yup, it is completely contrary to what I consider normal and safe. Do people actually drive like this? Who cares. The point is, I need to know these nuances of Spanish driving so that I don't fail my test. This is the first time that I'm having the "My way is the RIGHT way" feeling here in Spain. It's not a good feeling.

So, 4 nights down, another 13 or so to go before I start taking literally hundreds of practice tests before I take the actual written test. Then it's on to 15 sessions of behind the wheel. Marty Houdek (family friend, driving instructor from my hometown), I wish you could be my driving instructor. We speak the same language, you probably wouldn't shout at me if I made a mistake (Spaniards yell sometimes and call it talking). Of course, we'd also be driving in the greater Waupun, Wisconsin area, not Madrid, population 7,000,000. P.S. I also have to learn to drive "de marchas," manual transmission. This makes me extremely anxious. If only I'd just attended a women's seminar on anxiety! Well, Lord, I'll be relying on you in a very tangible way when those lessons start. Though I will by no means follow Carrie Underwood's model, letting Jesus take the wheel, or perhaps the clutch.

Highlights
The other day, Ben said that my highlights from October had grown out a lot. Wow, when my wonderful (but not usually hair-observant) husband makes this comment, it is time to go get my hair done. I had my hair cut in Spain in 2008, and it was the best haircut of my life. So, I was excited for my appointment this morning. Salons are very common here. Many are run by the owner and just a few other stylists, or just the owner alone. In my 2 experiences, one person cut my hair, another washed it. The "washer" person is usually an apprentice.

My stylist, Vanessa, was super sweet and kind, talking slowly so that I could understand her. She asked about how I was adjusting to Spain. We bashed English a little bit together for being such a crazy language to learn. She cut more of my hair than I expected, but I really like it. Spaniards cut hair differently than in the US. It's hard to describe, but it's just different. They also have a tendency to cut your hair how they think suits you. So, if you only want an inch off, you'd better be pretty adamant. But, my two experiences so far have been very positive. Finally, she spent about 25 minutes blow-drying my hair so well that she didn't even need to flat-iron it. If you've never seen me before I've flat-ironed my hair, picture Hermione as described in the Harry Potter series. Hermione's hair is way to pretty in the movies. Think lion's mane + electrical outlet. I walked out more blond, with a great cut for a good price. Now if I only never had to wash it again.

A Week in the Life

In this month's email prayer letter, Meggan shares what a normal week looks like for us, plus a few other tidbits.

Bless Eva Kirchner on her first birthday

Eva Kirchner was born into a loving home on February 2, 2010. Eva's mom, Rachel, was a friend of Meggan's from UW (Rachel was one of the first women to dance in the worship arts group Meggan started). The two of them reconnected over the phone in February, coming alongside each other in the new challenges of motherhood. In early April, when Eva was about two months old, Rachel was diagnosed with cancer. Rachel fought her cancer hard, both in the course of medical treatment and in prayer. Nonetheless, on January 24, Rachel passed into the arms of her Heavenly Father.

Today is Eva's first birthday. I cannot imagine the challenges she will face. Praise the Lord, she still has a family who loves her very much.

You can help care for her in a small way, too. As a memorial for Rachel, you can contribute to Eva's college savings account. We can't change the thing we would most like to change, but we can come alongside Eva and her family in this tangible way at this most difficult time. Checks can be made out to Eva's dad, Matt, and sent to:

Matt Kirchner
W168 N9307 Grand Ave.
Menominee Falls, WI 53051

Thanks. Lord Jesus, come quickly.

(If you would like to read more about Rachel's journey through cancer, she kept a blog. Her obituary can be found here.)

The Milkmaid

My language classes began last week, and things are off to a good start. We're quite the mix of students - six from the U.S., four from Brazil, one from Germany, and a Dutch gal. A dozen in total, plus two alternating professors (both Madrileños, a woman and a man). January is the "intensive" section of the course, in which we spend twenty hours a week together working on our grammar.

One recent grammar exercise involved reading a certain children's fable to work on our verb tenses. However, the content of the story was far more interesting than the grammar. It's called, La Lechera - "The Milkmaid." And it goes like this...

The milkmaid walked happily to the market to sell her milk. Along the way she was making plans:

"Once I sell this milk, I'll buy some chickens that'll give lots of eggs. The eggs will hatch, the chicks will grow big and, one day, I'll sell all the big chickens. With that money I'll buy some piglets, fatten 'em up, and sell 'em. Then I'll buy calves. When they get big, I'll sell 'em for beef. Then I can buy a big house, nice clothes, jewelry..."

With these happy thoughts in her mind, the milkmaid walked faster toward the market... just fast enough not to see a tree root sticking up out of the ground. She tripped and spilled her entire bucket of milk. And along with the milk spilled all her grand plans, too.

The moral of the story: Children should not waste too much energy on their elaborate dreams for the future, because something will probably happen to interrupt them from coming to pass.

After the story, our professor, Juan, asked us how many of us knew the story from our own cultures. Nobody had known it before that, and he was quite surprised. I explained how this is not a popular sentiment in U.S. culture, where we generally tell our kids to dream big and never give up on their hopes. (I couldn't help but think of the constant stream of "your dreams will come true!" songs played at Disney World.) One of my Brazilian classmates said it's the same there - any boy or girl is told, "You could become the president one day." Juan responded, oh, that's not good, eh? It would be better to be more realistic, wouldn't it?

What do you think? Is it a good thing that we tell our kids to dream big dreams, even though the vast majority of people in the U.S. will live relatively "normal" lives and never achieve their grandest dreams?

Quality Christmas music, supporting a great cause

Buy some solid Christmas music here. Check out the free download, and if you like it (which you will, if you have good taste), buy the album.The artists are donating a large portion of the proceeds to help a great church with some really scummy people remodel their building to bring it into compliance with fire codes. That gift is being matched by another donor, so the donation portion of your purchase is doubled. Bonus. Do it.

Retail photos

Here are two pics I took from our cell phone during recent shopping expeditions. Enjoy our random observations.

Parents will appreciate this one. It's baby food. The packaging says, for kids from six months of age. It also says, multigrain cereal with honey. Yikes!

Here we have Spongebob Squarepants, a.k.a. Bob Esponja, and his two friends dressed as the three kings. El Día de Los Reyes - Epiphany - is the holiday with all the presents here. Just like the magi brought the baby Jesus gifts, so the Reyes bring gifts to the little children of Spain. It's like a stuffed animal of Mickey and Minnie dressed as Santa and Mrs. Claus.

Three weeks in the city

Well, we've been here almost three weeks, though it feels like longer! Time has slowed down for us. I suppose big change has that kind of effect. We haven't been great about taking pictures, but here are a few.

This is the view from our temporary home at dawn. If there were enough detail in the picture, you would see an airplane coming in for a landing off in the distance on the right side - we're in the neighborhood near the airport. A very special thank-you shout-out to Tammy Scofield for opening her home to us without ever having met us! Only once did we come close to burning the place down.

Andy eats a meal in the midst of the chaos we have left around him...

Andy helps Daddy do some laundry. Good boy.

Ethan, Toby, and Navi (the dog) watch after Andy during lunch at the Gudeman home. Those guys were SO GOOD with our little guy! And, Andy really likes all three of 'em. Navi might be his favorite Spaniard.

Meggan feeds Andy some yogurt on the Metro (Madrid's subway system).

A highway at night, as seen from a pedestrian bridge.

Some of the youth group chicas from La Elipa. We already knew all five of these young women (that includes you, Eva!) from our 2008 summer trip. We've had a couple chances to dip our toes in the water with the youth, and we're excited for the years to come.